Rules for reading the newspaper

I won't tell you how many of the seven I do but it's more than one. From Garrison Keillor in Salon.

It seems to me, observing the young in coffee shops, that something is missing
from their lives: the fine art of holding a newspaper. They sit staring at
computer screens, sometimes with wires coming out of their ears, life passing
them by as they drift through MySpace, that encyclopedia of the pathetic, and
check out a video of a dog dancing the Macarena. It is so lumpen, so sad that
nobody has shown them that opening up a newspaper is the key to looking classy
and smart.